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Thankful and Heartbroken - Can Both Be True?
Gratitude doesn’t mean your grief disappears. It means you’re still here, carrying both.
Gavin Kemp
April 06, 2025
In partnership with
Welcome to Week 3 of The Shadow Side of Gratitude
So far, we’ve looked at resistance and guilt. Now, we step into deeper waters.
Grief has a strange relationship with gratitude. It can silence it. Or it can deepen it.
This week, we explore how to hold both—without rushing to feel better.
Week-by-Week Progress Tracker
Week 1: When Gratitude Feels Forced (Past Issue)
Week 2: The Guilt of Wanting More (Past Issue)
Week 3: Gratitude & Grief – Thankful and Heartbroken (You are here)
Week 4: Gratitude in an Unfair World
Week 5: Envy, Shame, and the Comparison Trap
Week 6: Holding Both – Rebuilding a Deeper Practice
Opening Reflection
Grief doesn’t always show up in black clothes.
Sometimes, it appears while you're halfway through dinner.
Or on a bus.
Or in the middle of a gratitude list, you were just writing…
And suddenly you're crying because someone who should be here… isn’t.
Or something that used to be part of you… no longer is.
This Week’s Emotional Truth
People often feel like they have to choose.
Gratitude or grief.
Joy or loss.
Hope or heartbreak.
But the real human experience?
You carry both.
Some days, one is louder.
Some days, they hold hands.
Gratitude doesn’t erase grief.
But it can witness it.
It can say: You’re still here. You’re still loving. Even now.
How to Hold This
Journaling Method: The Memory & Meaning Ritual
Think of someone or something you’ve lost—recently or long ago.
In your journal, answer the following:
What do I miss most about them/it?
What did they give me that still lives on in me?
In what way can I honour them through how I live now?
This is not a gratitude list.
It’s a moment to say:
“Even in absence, the meaning remains.”
Need a nudge? Here’s one way it might look on the page…
I miss my grandfather’s calm voice. He never rushed anyone.
He taught me patience—not by preaching, but by living it.
I want to slow down when people speak to me and make them feel heard. That’s how I carry him forward.
The Reframe
You’re not betraying your grief by being grateful.
You’re giving it somewhere to belong.
Affirmation
“Grief and gratitude both live here.
I don’t have to choose.
I can honour what was lost and what remains.”
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Gratitude Gem
“Gratitude doesn’t erase grief. It lets us carry it with grace.”
Call to Action
Don’t rush to feel better.
This week, just write. Remember. Honour.
Gratitude can be quiet.
A whisper in the ache.
A light held beside the missing.
And that’s enough.
Until next week,
Gavin
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